Lovingly Letting Go – The Last Email to My Dad

My dad suffered a massive brain bleed from a ruptured cerebral aneurysm on March 17, 2008. He never woke up from his coma, so my mom, sister and I followed his final wish of lovingly letting him go. He went Home on June 8, 2008. The following is my last email to my dad, which I asked my mom and sister to read aloud to him on June 7, 2008. Lovingly letting go…

Dearest Far,

This is an early Father’s Day greeting from me – because every day should be Father’s Day. Jacob and Paul also send you their love!

I am sorry that I can’t be there with you in person right now, but please know that I am there with you in spirit. I am at home in Florida taking care of your two grandsons. Jacob and I will wave at you every night – as part of our bedtime routine. I remember hearing the true joy in your voice when you talked about this new grandbaby. I know that you were genuinely excited for us – and I am therefore doing my very best to take care of the baby – so he will be healthy and can live in your spirit. If it is actually a boy we plan to name him after you – “Sean Douglas” is our first choice.

Far – I know the past couple of weeks have been so hard on you, but please feel this in your heart – it is time to go join Grandpa, Bedstemor, and Bedstefar in Heaven. There is a very special spot for you up there – we special ordered it for you – your body and soul need and deserve a rest – so please know that we are lovingly letting go – and asking you to go to your Home. Mor, Sonja, and I all need for you to be in Heaven – so you can watch over us – and help us in our times of need & sorrow – and so you can also share in our joys and happiness. Please far, it is OK – we will always be a family – nothing will ever change that – NOTHING.

“Star Light, Star Bright – First Star I See Tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight… I DO! Far – I wish peace for you!”

Far – You are leaving me with so many memories – so many cherished times together. I promise to do my best to write down the memories over time – I don’t want to forget – and I want as many people as possible to know what a wonderful dad you were – and always will be.

Your legacy lives on in Sonja and me – and our children. Every single day that I get out of bed and go about my morning routine is a tribute to you. Getting dressed in my closet where the clothes are sorted by “work” and “play” and then divided into sub-categories by color is a testament to the fact that I am my father’s daughter. Sitting at work and filling out the spread sheets that I have created to make my job easier and better organized will remind me that you are always there with me. When I drive down the road steering with my knee and SAFELY racing someone at a green light I will know that you are watching over me. When I start telling Jacob that “there is a time and a place for everything” and “a job worth doing is worth doing right – THE FIRST TIME” is when you will know that your legacy is burning like an eternal flame!

I am so thankful that you always took the time to share quality moments with me. I honestly don’t feel that anything has gone unsaid between us. I am not regretting never having told you something – because we both knew how we felt about each other – and we were never afraid to show each other our feelings. I appreciate all the times we spent together – as a young child, teenager and most recently as a grown woman. Far – we have had our share of quality time together – and that is what will get me through each and every day. I promise to always show my children the same patience, love, sense of humor and compassion that you showed me. But I can only hope to make them as proud of me as I am of you.

You showed time and time again that you put your family first – our safety and well fare meant more to you than anything else in the world – which was so evident when you and mom moved to Denmark. You left everything you knew – in hopes of being able to provide your three women a safer and happier life in a country where you didn’t even speak the language. You persevered, and together you and mom made the most of everything you had – and you gave us the best childhood any kid could have ever wished for. We never went without anything growing up – money may have been tight – but you both provided us with the things that we truly needed – even green shoes!

Far – this Father’s Day and always – please know that I love you with all my heart. I hold you and our memories so near and dear – and I will never forget you or any of our cherished times together. We will always have “Karlsvognen”! I will look for our constellation on every star-filled night – knowing that you are looking at the exact same thing. We will always have the stars!

Until we are together again, far – please know that you are in my heart and soul now and forever!

I LOVE YOU!

Your daughter – Tove