19 Surprising Facts About Life as a Stay-at-Home-Mom (SAHM)

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“Wow, so you don’t work anymore? How is life as a full-time mom? What do you do with all your free time?” – and the mindless comments just keep coming. Stay-at-home moms (“SAHMs”) are somewhat mystical creatures. We spend our days binge-watching TV, hanging with our BFFs and eating bonbons while the kids are in school and our husbands work… or not! Since becoming a SAHM I have made (at least) 19 surprising observations about life as a stay-at-home-mom, aka “Domestic Goddess”/ “Family CEO”/ “Keeper of the Goldfish”/ “Minion Manager”/ “Boss of the Micro-Managers”.

19 Surprising Facts about Life as a SAHM:

1. You no longer need to apologize for motherhood getting in the way! Motherhood IS the way!
2. Between nursing and chasing kids, there is no need to exercise to burn calories! Besides, SAHMs only live on goldfish and leftover crust.
3. The amount of money I am saving on dry cleaning clothes is now going to buying razors! I can no longer hide my legs in suit pants… Is it winter yet? – I need a break from shaving my legs!
4. Kids really do NOT like home-cooked meals! Well, at least OUR kids don’t like MY cooking. You are welcome to give me lessons and tips if your kids clean their plates at every meal!
5. Saving money is just as much fun as making money! There is an entire underworld of frugal women who strive to never pay full price for anything. We thrive on seeking out our pray (a good sale) and love the thrill of the hunt.
6. You still only have 24 hours in a day! This “adulting and mothering” gig really takes up the whole day and night! SAHMs don’t have endless hours of inactivity, not even 3 minutes!
7. “I JUST washed the floors/ dusted the blinds/ cleaned the fans” are statements that can be repeated for at least two weeks, before you even have a consider repeating the chore!
8. Keurig and Starbucks Mobile Order are not luxuries, they are necessities!
9. You are truly NEVER alone! But through trial and error, I have learned NOT to announce when I sneak off to the bathroom. It buys me at least 34 seconds before they find me.
10. If you manage to escape sans kids you will miss them within an hour! It happens every time. This happens when they start sleeping through the night too.
11. Costco wine is really delicious, and the screw tops are SO convenient.
12. When God said “be fruitful and multiply” he was looking at a pile of laundry on the floor! 
13. Your arsenal of yoga pants can be divided into four categories: “home”, “grocery store”, “coffee/ wine with friends” and “actual exercise”. (I have yet to break out the latter pair.)
14. The kids think you are leaving them when you “dress up”: aka wear make up and jeans.
15. Giving a toddler a wet rag or baby wipe and singing the “clean up” song constitutes cleaning the house!
16. Craft projects are way more fun for mom than the kids!
17. Pinterest-worthy results are never achieved in the company of a cranky toddler, who is perfecting his throwing technique.
18. Time officially stands still when you are reading with a reluctant reader for the required 20 minutes a day.
19. Trips to Target is 10% buying things from your list, 45% impulse shopping and 45% confirming that there is human life outside of your home.

How has motherhood surprised you over the years? – Please share your thoughts in the comments. I LOVE hearing from the readers!