Dear C-Section Mom,
I know your pain. I never thought I would have a C-section either. A c-section was humiliating in my mind. In my mind I was unable to deliver him, and needed someone else to do it for me. It also meant that I might be limited to the amount of children I would have. I was not prepared for the pain, both emotionally and physically.
A collection of letters from the heart – to the heart!
I couldn’t hold my baby without pain. I couldn’t carry him without pain. It wasn’t how I thought things would be. My scar was a constant reminder of my failure. I wept a lot about my c-section, even months and years down the road.
Here is what I am NOT going to say to you:
1. At least you and the baby are healthy. Of course you are glad your baby is healthy. Being unhappy with things going unplanned does not mean you are not grateful. I know you are grateful for a healthy baby.
2. It must have been so easy to just lay there while they pulled him/her out. No. It was not. Feelings of sadness mixed with joy is a hard thing. The pressure from the pushing and the ache from the needles are hard things. Not easy at all.
3. It is so common. It is not common for me. This is my first c-section. I do not know how or what to expect. It is not common for me.
4. The doctors just want convenience. No, they do not. My doctor let me labor for a long time with no progress. She sat on my bed for 30 minutes (I’m sure I was not her only patient that day either) trying to turn him. They want the best care for you. They want the safest way. By the way, my husband’s a doctor- do not assume all doctors just want the “easy way out.” They don’t. {FIY – they get paid pretty much the same either way.}
5. You can try for a VBAC next time! Sorry, but right after my c-section I did not think this. I was still mourning my scar and processing things. Give me time. I may feel that later – but not right away. Cry your tears and learn to grieve.
Can I be honest with you?
I do not weep anymore.
It hurts. It hurts physically. It hurts emotionally. The word failure stares back at you in the mirror. Let me offer you a few words of encouragement from someone who has walked the path through the valley and has come out on the other side.
1. Give Yourself Time. Give yourself weeks, months, and even years to process. You are mourning. It is ok to grieve. It is ok to feel a sense of loss. Let the grieving happen.
2. Give Yourself A Chance. Maybe try a VBAC. I did. I tried to labor again with my second son. I was not induced. My water broke on its own. I went into labor on my own. I ended up with what is considered medically as a “failed V-BAC.” Yet it was the perfect avenue that brought me peace. After I realized that my body was not made to deliver the “natural” way – I was given such a peace about my first c-section. It brought me relief and joy.
3. Be sad. You can be sad when you see friends deliver with no complications. You can feel sorrow when reflecting back. The key is not to wallow in self-pity. Feel sad, but turn around and be grateful as well. Do not let sadness breed discontentment.
4. Destroy Discontentment. When you are feeling discontent day after day, it can lead to distrust. Distrust in God and His perfect plan. Distrust in your circumstances that He has ordained. Distrust in yourself. When feelings of discontentment surface, kill them. Remind yourself of Truth: God is good – through it all – God is good and He is able.
5. Run to God. Pour out your heart to Him. Tell Him of your sadness, disappointment, and feelings of being a failure. He is there. Waiting to remind you of so much Truth. Read His Word, especially the Psalms.
Signed,
A C-Section Mom
Hi! I’m Sarah. My life with three kids can be crazy but fun! I am a stay at home mom. We are in our second year homeschooling. One if my favorite things to do is write! One of the reasons I keep my blog is to keep myself writing. I love to write devotionals that I need hear. Another reason for my blog is to keep our friends and family updated on our adoption process. We are currently adopting a little girl from China. We are nervous but excited about this new journey! A few of my favorite things are : white chocolate mochas – sleeping in the rain – naptime – singing in the car – and Project Runway.
Sarah Frazer
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