Dear Hairdresser,
You don’t really know me. We probably won’t get to know each other well. Unlike other women, I don’t have a stylist that I know and trust intimately with my locks. And regardless of the outcome of your work, you likely won’t become that for me. Please don’t take it personally.
A collection of letters from the heart – to the heart!
And please, don’t judge the state of my hair or the way I present myself. I admire your perfectly coifed hair and your expertly done makeup as you walk up to introduce yourself. You’re just so very beautiful. You know how to accentuate it. It makes me feel at ease as I entrust my own beauty to your hands. And it makes me feel inadequate.
You see, I’m a Mom. You noticed my rounding belly just as I noticed your beautiful face. But my motherhood story is longer than this pregnancy. It is also two little boys waiting to see my new look at home. It is a body that is on its fifth attempt at pregnancy, with varying results.
My priorities have shifted since becoming this mom-person you see reflected in the mirror. I remember the freedom with hairstyling that I felt after getting married. I was saving my long beautiful natural hair for wedding photos but revolted immediately by cutting it short and dying it blonde on my honeymoon. I went to the expensive salon in the city and found a hairstylist that I could frequent. I tried different shades of blonde and varying mid-length cuts. It sounds bland but felt exotic to this newlywed, new city dweller. I kept this up until my newlywed status turned into newly pregnant and my waitressing job turned into a serious office job. I looked at my roots and I considered the health of my unborn child and I went to a salon and dyed it back to my natural colour.
Since then, I can probably list my trips to the salon on one hand.
You see, our finances needed to change with a new life coming into the world. We needed to find a bigger place to live. We needed to get the right equipment. We needed to feed and clothe this little one. And “I’ll do it when we’re not so cash strapped” stopped even being said because parenthood and adulthood seemed to turn into one giant money pit.
Our luxuries now consist of trips to fast food restaurants with play structures. We stretch our budgets when our kids start to outgrow their clothes. We save our pennies for the furniture that we will need to make the transition from a family with two children to three. I don’t want to complain. These children, this family – my life is beautiful. But my wardrobe and my style may not be keeping up.
The last time I cut my hair was in October of 2012. To simplify the math, that was 1 year and 10 months ago. I’m sure by this point, the term “split ends” is an understatement.
I wish I could go see you more. I want to find a good local salon in our new neighbourhood with a stylist who will make me beautiful time and time again. I want to pay for your services and tip you well because I recognize the service you provide to people like me – people who need pampering. But in our family’s hierarchy of needs, my hair style just doesn’t make the cut.
I want you to know that this is all okay with me. I don’t need to get my hair done or pay someone to paint my nails. I don’t need fancy skin treatments and relaxing body massages. Buying a dinky car for my kids brings just as much joy to my face. And my body, this body that grows and shrinks and stretches, does not match the definition of beauty that I see reflected in you, but it is still a kind of beautiful. That ponytail full of split ends is part of my toolkit. It is a step to simplification, and I don’t really mind that. Because my life needs these simplification tools because it is so very full.
And then, every once in a while, perhaps after a year and ten months we see each other again. Maybe the stars have aligned or maybe I’ve just grown so sick of my pregnancy hair falling out in the shower or maybe I’ve been in a ponytail for one day too long or maybe my mother-in-law has come into town and offered to take a trip with me to the salon. On that day, when you come out to greet me with your beautiful hair and your gorgeous face, when you take in my pregnant belly and my unstyled hair and my very boring clothes, I hope you see my beauty. I hope you try to accentuate it. I hope that you know that even though I might not be back (for a very long time at least), you are a luxury for me during these moments. And I love you for it.
Laura O’Rourke is a blogger from Halifax, Nova Scotia. A working Mom, Laura has two young boys and one baby on the way. She writes about finding the beauty in the mess of motherhood on her blog, Mommy Miracles. Her blog has been listed on multiple Top 10 Canadian Blog lists. Laura runs an online book club for busy Moms called MomsReading. Connect with Laura on Twitter and Facebook.
Laura, I can totally relate, because it’s been nearly a year since I’ve had my haircut, and I think I’m going to have to grow it out, because I know I won’t be able to maintain a shorter style once this pregnancy is over 🙂 I’m glad you rewarded yourself, you look fab!
When you go shorter it is so hard to know how maintenance will work into your daily routine until you actually get to do it! I feel so thrilled that this cut is super easy to do in the morning (almost easier than trying to dry long hair!) but I know when I don’t do it, I feel like crap. At least it is managed with a quick run through with the straightener. (But I’ve never made it look like it did on that first day).
Tove, thank you so much for hosting my words today! Once I finally decided who to write to, I realized that there was something so very personal in my hair and the amount of times I go to the stylist, even if I don’t have my own personal hairdresser. I appreciate you encouraging me to write in this way! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your experience, Laura. It is a heartfelt letter that puts words to how so many of us moms feel when we are sitting in that chair… in addition to my thoughts of “wow – this drowned-cat-dressed-in-a-smock look is just not me!”
Love it! The letter and the hair 🙂
I used to get my hair done the moment I saw roots at a fancy salon in the North End. The stylist was amazing and I trusted her to just create. Then I got pregnant with Mr. Man and my priorities changed. I too just had my first haircut in well over a year…no colour though.
I’m glad you got to treat yourself to a new ‘do. It looks awesome 🙂
It is really amazing how things change, isn’t it? I haven’t attempted colour since kids either (though I have considered it) because that is a commitment I’m just not ready for. More kids? Yup. More hair colour? Nope.
Love the new do! It is totally you! Enjoy it until the little one arrives and then throw it back up in a pony tail for another year :). Love ya Sweetie.
Love my pony! I’m totally prepared to do that! 🙂 Thanks so much for the compliment on my hair!
Oh I love your haircut and your words to your hairdresser. Even though we go to a walk in place, many of the same girls/women that were there when I was trying to get pregnant are still there today…and they have cut my hair from long to short to pixie and they were the first ones to give the boys haircuts. They mean something to me…and while I might get one one time and another the next, I like all of them because they know my story, know that I hold the boys on my lap one at a time and it’s my turn. I like knowing that when I walk in I’m recognized.
Your cut looks so pretty on you.
xo
I love that, Kir! We have a kid’s cut place with very fun seats to sit in (that look like cars) so my kids and I definitely don’t go to the same place.
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words!
I didn’t commit to a relationship with a hair dresser until I found my first grays 🙂
LOL. That will probably be me too, though I’ll likely try to fix it with a box a few times until I realize that I really need professional help.
I think you are totally adorable both ways. Hair is the one thing I’ve held on to. I don’t buy a lot of clothes or shoes or even new stuff for the house just to “decorate”, but the hair? I can’t let it go.
I get it. We ALL have things like that, don’t we? And, I think that might be a blessing/curse of short hair. It requires more cuts to keep maintained. But that means you get more time out on your own. 🙂
If I were a hairdresser I think a client like you would be my favorite! 🙂 It looks lovely, my dear.
Ha. I’d only be your favourite if you were rich from some inheritance and were just cutting hair for the love of it, because I would definitely not be a money-maker.
Great post (and hair)! I’m going for mine on Saturday.. I’ve actually just recently worked hair cuts (for me) into the budget. The boys and hubby all get similar hairstyles, so for now, I do theirs–but mine was never being cut unless I played with scissors myself.
Can’t wait for some me-time on Saturday!
Oh! Enjoy it! Dan’s been cutting his own hair for a few years and we just started cutting Cameron’s too. Gavin’s hair is so fine and different from Cam’s that I’m just not sure if we can cut it ourselves. He’s in need of a trip to the kid’s cut place, but Cameron will be devastated if he doesn’t get to go too, so we need to take them both there, even though we CAN cut Cameron’s hair ourselves. Why is this so complicated? 🙂
First of all, your hair looks fabulous, so good on you for taking the plunge. 🙂
Secondly, I *really* need a haircut! (Desperately!)
This was a really fun letter to read. Unique. I could relate to so much of what you were saying.
Moms are busy! There is always something else more pressing on which to spend hard earned money.
Let’s all just be thankful we didn’t invest in a Flowbee, shall we? 😀
Okay. I had to google a Flowbee. What the WHAT?
Thank you for reading, Peady! 🙂 I’m glad you can relate, so I feel less alone.
I *totally* knew you’d have to Google that! Hee hee! Can you imagine?!? Perfect for maintaining one’s mullet I bet. 😉
I love reading your writing. It makes me happy. 🙂
I am booking a hair appointment today!