I yelled tonight! If you had seen me out in public you would have stared and thought to yourself “I am SUCH a better mom than her” – and truth be told – today ANYONE would have been a better mom than me!
I came home from work in a foul mood. My children of course knew that things had not gone well for me during the day, so they had agreed to argue, fight, whine and otherwise get on my very last nerve. There was homework to be done, dirty socks and stinky little boy underwear to be picked up. The LEGOs on the floor had multiplied at a faster rate than a family of horny rats. Dinner didn’t make itself and after spending 45 minutes on creating a culinary delight of sorts all three kids decided that chicken is gross and mashed potatoes are poisonous.
Tonight was not my night. As I was rushing home to my family, all I could think of was feeling the sweetness of my children’s loving arms around me as I entered the door. I could hear them chant “mama, mama, mama” – not in an annoying “mama I need something” way, but more a “mama, you are home and we love you” way. I had visions of a house that was picked up, chores that had been done and second grade reading assignments that had been completed.
But no – that’s not what greeted me at the door… on the contrary. The perpetually smiling baby was asleep, the short-fused toddler hadn’t napped. The worn out kindergartener had a meltdown when asked to write a page of sight words, and the second grader was upset that he had to read 30 minutes instead of 20 minutes.
I am not sure how we made it through the evening. I know my husband was there, running interference between me and the kids. He fetched milk for the melting toddler when I had enough of his whining. He wrangled the older kids and guided them off to bed, so I could go cuddle with the babies, which he knew would calm my grumpiness, center my soul and ease my frazzled mind – and he was right.
The baby’s babble was sweet music – and it eventually pushed out the corporate noise that was playing on “repeat” in my head. The toddler gave me the smile he reserves for me and special occasions. His heartfelt “mama, I miss wu when wu are at work” melted the stern look in my eyes and eased the tension on my wrinkled brow.
But it still doesn’t take away from the fact that tonight I yelled – I was grumpy and I was less than perfect! I guess all I can say is tonight I was “REAL!”
I hope I continue feeling real, raw and authentic emotions – but maybe dialed down just a tad. As negativity breeds negativity, I pray that positivity multiplies at the same rate as the aforementioned rat family! Here’s to living in the now – even when it’s less than Pinterest-worthy!