• Home
  • Parenting
    • Motherhood
      • Relationships
    • Pregnancy
    • Baby (0-1 years)
      • Breastfeeding
    • Toddler (2-5 years)
      • Potty Training
    • Kid (6-9 years)
    • Tween (10-12 years)
    • Teen (13-18 years)
  • Hygge
  • Creative
    • LEGO
    • Perler Beads
    • Wreaths
    • Winter
    • Spring
    • Summer
    • Fall/ Autumn
  • Life Style
    • Pets
    • Financial Life
    • Our Life
    • Reviews
  • Health
    • Heart
    • Narcolepsy
    • Special Needs
  • Meet Tove Maren
    • Privacy Policy
    • Disclosure Statement
  • Shop
    • Best Selling Shirts
    • Sarcastic Shirts
    • Sleep Humor Shirts
    • Heart Mom Shirts
    • All MITN Shirts
    • Hygge & Happiness Books
    • Book Club Worthy Books
    • Parenting Books
    • LEGO Gifts

Mama In The Now

Boy Mom Life With Humor and Hygge

I use cookies on this site to personalize content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyze traffic. I also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising, and analytics partners who may combine it with other information that you’ve provided to them or that they’ve collected from your use of their services. Privacy & Cookie Policy

Four Words That Will Change The Way You Parent

Sharing is caring!

524 shares
  • Facebook214
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter1

There are affiliate links in this article which means, at no additional cost to you, we could receive compensation for our recommendations.

There are affiliate links in this article which means, at no additional cost to you, we could receive compensation for our recommendations.

In hindsight, we all have defining moments in our lives that changed, molded and shaped us. Either we were changed against our will, improved after careful planning or shaped through serendipity.

Before this experience, I considered myself a pretty good parent to our two young boys. But I was a worrier. I wanted to parent by intuition, but ended up second-guessing myself. I was missing confidence, inner-peace and trust. Trust in myself and in a higher power. But mindful parenting eventually made me a better mother.

My defining moment came when I was at my life’s lowest and most vulnerable state. As a mother, I feared facing the potentially greatest loss a parent may suffer. The days ahead had been marred by the unknown, my faith was being tested and it truly felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest.

Four words that will change the way you parent - for better. Positive parenting, intuitive parenting encouragement. Special needs mom, medical mom, heart mom encouragement. Parenting with love and intuition. Mindful parenting mantra.

Our second son, only 12 days old was sicker than sick. His condition had deteriorated over the past 24 hours to the point where the most hopeful words spoken by medical professionals were: “We have ordered the helicopter for your son’s immediate transfer to another medical facility that is better equipped to handle such a complex case.”

There I stood, holding vigil over our infant son. He was hooked up to IVs, a respirator, monitors and countless medical devices that beeped and alarmed in an ear-shattering symphony. My husband was en route with a haphazardly packed suitcase and my breast pump.

(In hindsight, never tell a stressed-out husband to “pack me comfortable clothes” because you will be stuck in a hospital room 2 hours away from home wearing lavender flannel pajamas – when you are not even the patient.)

[bctt tweet=”Four words that will change the way you parent! #Parenting #Powerful #Mantra” username=”MamaintheNow”]

The Messenger:

I saw the hospital Chaplain walk by our room. I immediately said a quiet prayer for the family in such dire shape that his presence was warranted. Mere moments passed before I hear a quiet and respectful knock on our door. It was the Chaplain. Our situation was the dire one. He had come to pray over our son before our flight.
My heart sank. The enormity of the situation instantly took my breath away.

Father Mike stood next to me as we bowed our heads in unison. We didn’t take our eyes off my infant boy in the baby warmer. With a clear and calm voice he said “be where you are.”

I looked up at Father Mike, hoping for clarification. He repeated himself: “be where you are” and then went on to explain his surprisingly simple message. His words are clearly etched in my memory as if I spoke with him yesterday, when in fact it was 8 years ago.

THE Four Words:

He accurately predicted that the next couple of days, weeks, even months would be some of the hardest in our lives. He urged me to be fully present in every moment – “be where you are” – and to trust that I was right where I was supposed to be, all the time.

“Be fully engaged in your oldest child, when you are at home with him. Play with him, interact and give him your undivided attention. Trust that your baby is well cared for at the hospital, so you can be a wonderful mother to your oldest son.

When you are with your baby in the hospital be present there, pay attention to your surroundings, changes in him and be mindful of his needs. You can do this knowing that your oldest son is safe in his loving home.”

Father Mike’s words stuck with me. I made a decision to follow his advice and be present in every moment, however scary and frightening it would be.

“Be where you are” became my mantra, the words that comforted me during our darkest hours. The four words kept me centered during our son’s six weeks in the PICU. I sat by his bedside and watched helplessly as he struggled to fight for what I promised him would be a beautiful life.

Father Mike’s simple message was my anchor, when I felt capsized in an ocean full of heartbreak and uncertainty. Thanks to his wisdom, I had the clarity and strength to make our baby a big promise that we fulfill every day, because our life IS beautiful.

Our son fought every challenge thrown at him – and won. He is now a spirited 8 year old with an older brother and two younger brothers. That’s right, four boys under the age of 10!

Mindful Parenting Changes Everything:

Our four little blessings challenge our patience and sanity daily with their energy, wit and spunk. When parenting gets hard and motherhood weighs heavily on my shoulders, I remember Father Mike’s words: “be where you are!”

On days when the kids are melting down and fighting as siblings do, I remind myself to be present in the moment. These times, however crazy they make me, however tired and frazzled I may feel, they are not to be wished away – and I certainly should not be dreaming of a quiet beach on a remote island, because I am right where I am supposed to be.

Wouldn’t you know it, when I pull myself back from my daydream and focus on separating the two little boys that are stuck together like pieces of LEGO, the fighting stops. The tantrums, the meltdowns, the yelling, the arguing – they all come to a halt!

When I live by the words “be where you are,” the boys realize that I SEE them, like REALLY SEE them. They know that I hear their rapid-fire questions, funny stories from school and awkward jokes.

I am no longer distracted by my own wandering thoughts, flashy iPhone or luring social media notifications – I am fully present, engaged, and focused on them.

Father Mike’s advice got me through the worst of times. His guiding words led me through the muddiest waters to the other side, where our family is flourishing with renewed focus and resolve.

When you feel torn between friends, when the work/ life balance is out of whack, when you are annoyed that everything happens on “their time” and you long for some “me time” – take a step back and tell yourself to “be where you are!”

Trust me – it works.

"Be Where You Are!": The words that changed everything. Will they change you too?

 

You can read more from the archives about our journey with Jordan: “Breastfeeding Jordan. Our Baby With a Big Heart”

 

 

 

Learning Through Play, the Danish Way

Learning through play, the Danish Way. Learn the importance of unstructured play - one of the main pillars in a Danish child's upbringing.

Raise Happy and Confident Children, The Danish Way

Raise Happy and Confident Children, The Danish Way

Filed Under: Heart, Motherhood, Our Life, Parenting, Special Needs Tagged With: Caregiver, family, Happiness, health, Heart, live in the now, Motherhood, work life balance

Comments

  1. Luci says

    November 25, 2014 at 10:00 AM

    Yours! It truly is a beautiful mantra to live by. I can say I was given this piece of advice by a wonderful Mother (you). I have since never (almost never) wished to be somewhere I am not. I love being where I am too. I try to let go and not be in control of the future but of this moment. Thank you for sharing this again. I will post your beautiful reminder in my other mom group.

    • Mama in the Now says

      November 26, 2014 at 1:26 PM

      THANK YOU for your sweet words – it really warms my heart to know that I have helped you in some small way!!!! THANK YOU!

  2. Alison says

    November 26, 2014 at 4:21 AM

    Tove, you know this already, but I’ll say it again because it’s worth saying. Those four words you shared with me on Facebook – they were my anchor when the twins were in NICU, and I was in a terrible, dark place. You literally pulled me out of the darkness. I survived, they survived. THANK YOU.

    • Mama in the Now says

      November 26, 2014 at 1:24 PM

      This is BY FAR the sweetest thing I have ever been told – seriously! I am so glad that your babies are doing well – and that I played a small role in your saving your sanity! I am very happy to hear this!

  3. Nina says

    November 27, 2014 at 9:45 AM

    Wow this is fantastic advice, Tove. I was just thinking about living in the now the other night, and how it’s calming and makes you aware of yourself and your surroundings. What a great mantra to remind yourself when times are tough and you’re worrying about the what ifs and things you can’t even handle. Just handle and be wherever you are—awesome.

    • Mama in the Now says

      November 28, 2014 at 9:49 AM

      Thank you, Nina. It IS calming to live in the Now – it sort of shuts out all the internal noise telling you to do this and be there.

  4. Sarah says

    December 24, 2014 at 9:58 AM

    Thank You!!
    Wow! Tove, awesome article! Wish I had that advice 15 years ago today as I sat by my sons PiCU bedside wondering if I would ever bring him home, I did thankfully!!!!
    Congrats to you!!! Now off to redo my mascara

  5. Kristen M. says

    June 19, 2015 at 11:58 AM

    This is an excellent post. I find it far too easy to live in either the past or the future. And forget that now is where I am.

I am a Danish American mom of four boys parenting with heart, humor and hygge. Join me on this crazy ride. You will laugh more than you’d expect!

Don't Miss Out! Subscribe to the newsletter for all the latest

STAY UP TO DATE WITH ALL THE LATEST TO HELP YOU PARENT WITH HEART AND HUMOR WHEN YOU SUBSCRIBE TO THE FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER!

Success! Now check your email to confirm your subscription.

There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again.

Search This Blog

Must-Read Posts!

LEGO Batman oreos, the perfect snack at a Batman or LEGO birthday party. Delicious oreos and Batman decorations. Motherhood win.
How to get creative with Perler beads, Hama beads and melty beads. How to use Perler beads. Creative Perler ideas for preschoolers, toddlers and kids of all ages. Perler bead inspiration. Perler bead ideas. Perler bead patterns. #PerlerBeads #PerlerBeadPatterns #PerlerIdeas #PerlerBeadCrafts #MamaintheNow
Raising boys can be overwhelming and it's foreign territory to many moms. This funny mother of four boys shares parenting tips and tricks to raise boys, good little men and happy children!
Little known things to do at LEGOLAND. Two LEGOLAND insiders gave me the scoop on the hidden gems within the park. Tips, tricks and awesome fun things to do in the LEGOLAND parks.
Printable sweet and sarcastic mother-in-law cards. Send a sweet greeting to your mother-in-law. Tell your MIL how she makes you feel. Mother's Day cards for mother-in-law. Greeting cards for MIL. #MIL #Mothersday #Motherinlaw #greetingcards #printablecards #MILGreetings #MILSentiments #MotherinlawSentiments #MamaintheNow
Enjoy motherhood again, stop feeling overwhelmed. Take control and get organized. Being an organized mom will save your sanity. Tips from a mother of four.
Tove Maren Stakkestad is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Privacy Policy and Disclosure Statement

Please read our full Disclosure Statement and Privacy Policy. As an Amazon Associate, I could earn from qualifying purchases. This site uses partner links from other advertising partners.
Copyright ©2023, Mama In The Now. All Rights Reserved. Design by Pixel Me Designs
524 shares
  • 214
  • 1
 

Loading Comments...