Dear Mom Scared of C-Sections,
You are now faced with the reality that your child may be delivered via c-section – and you are naturally scared! Your carefully scripted birthplan will need to be drastically modified, the childbirth prep classes were hours you could have spent napping at home, and your dreams of natural labor may never become a reality – at least not this time around.
I know that having a c-section is not the preferred method of delivery for many moms. It is probably not how you envisioned welcoming your baby into this world. Personally, I was never given a choice in the matter, as going through labor would have been too dangerous for me. Even before we had children I knew that I would be a c-section mom, and I was at peace with it.
I am now the mother of four boys. I carried each and every one of my children in my womb for as long as my old saggy uterus could hold them. Our children are of Viking descent, so they are all freakishly large at birth – but that’s no fault of their own – it is just part of their genetic makeup.
My body lovingly cradled the babies, carried and grew them each for 39 weeks. Due to one of my own medical conditions, the babies were all brought into this world with the help of an incredibly kind and supportive team of surgeons. My children were lifted from my womb, with my husband at my side. I heard each of their first cries, was one of the first people to ever see them, gave them their first kiss and was the first to feed them.
I have always been at peace with my four c-sections because delivering a baby is A PART of the parenting journey. It is one of the first experiences in the journey, but it is not the most important one. The way I see it, when you travel to Europe, it certainly matters how you get there. You wish to arrive safely and in the quickest way possible. However the most important aspect of the journey is seeing Europe and feeling well enough to enjoy the sights and sounds. It matters that you had a good flight, a positive experience, but whether the plane was a Boeing or an Airbus is not something that will color the rest of your trip. That is exactly how child birth is to me – an important fascet of the parenting journey, but it is not everything.
Dear mom worried about having a c-section, let me tell you – you WILL bond with your baby. Your child can breastfeed without further issues or concerns. Having a c-section is not the end of your child birth career, nor does it mean that you have failed at motherhood before you even really got started. Having a c-section means that you are doing exactly what your child needs from you. Delivering in an OR means that your particular situation called for added measures and your job is to ensure that this baby is brought into the world in the safest way possible.
[bctt tweet=”#Csection #Mom, this is the beginning of a lifetime of even harder decisions.”]
I know the decision whether or not to delivery via c-section should not be taken lightly, and right now it may take up a lot of your thoughts and attention. But trust me, years from now, no one will ask or even care how your child was delivered. You will never hear “your child bit someone at day care today! Let me ask you, was he delivered via c-section?”, “Your kid is mastering these sight words incredibly well, he must have been a vaginal delivery!” or “Wow, common core math seems like a breeze for you kid, surely he was not a c-section baby”. You MAY hear “Look at that perfectly round head on the baby, clearly he was a c-section delivery” – but even those comments fizzle out after a few weeks.
Fact of the matter is, once your baby has arrived the only person who remembers every single detail of his delivery is YOU – his mother. You will bear the scar, you will be able to relive the hours leading up to his arrival in fine detail – while the rest of the world will marvel at his presence in the here and now. Relatives and friends will oooh and ahhh over all his great achievements as an infant, baby, toddler and child – without giving it another thought whether he was delivered in an OR, in a birthing suite or in your living room.
So for today, please know that I am not trying to minimize the magnitude and the importance of this decision. But please know from someone who has been through your “worst case scenario” four times – the end result is beautiful. The “finale” is full of indescribable happiness and it is actually the beginning of a lifetime of even harder decisions.
Without additional words of comfort and reassurance, please wrap your arms around the computer screen or the electronic device on which you are reading this – and feel me hugging you! (I am NOT normally a hugger, so this is big for me!)
For more pregnancy encouragement check out my other related stories.
There are LOTS of breastfeeding tips and tricks to be found in my archives as well.
What would you say to someone who is scared of having a c-section?
I love this! You were the biggest help to easing my fears just before the procedure, giving me the step by step of how it would all go down 😉
I am still emotional over having the decision of a natural birth taken away from me (by the dr) but maybe I just wasn’t strong enough to stand up to them… I didn’t know any better.
Thank you for writing this!!! xoxo
Laura F. says
This was so sweet! I haven’t had a C-section but I love how you worded this – it isn’t something to be ashamed of or afraid of!
Christy Caldwell says
Love this post. I’ve had two boys via c-sections. It wasn’t a choice I was able to make. Without them I may not have two healthy boys. I’m grateful for mine and it didn’t diminish the bond or experience.
This is so good. I had natural births but I would have been ok with a csection, I love your positive approach to writing parenthood stories! Pinned and stumbled!
Mama in the Now says
Thank you, friend! As always!
Jean Marie C says
I love that you can appreciate the way your children are born. Some women don’t have that type of thinking, myself included. I’ve had 2 failed inductions that ended in c-sections, 1 general anesthesia, 1 epidural and finally got my un-medicated vaginal birth.
Mama in the Now says
Thanks for sharing your experience. I am glad you (finally) had the birth experience you wanted. General anesthesia must have been so hard on you. I am sorry you had those experiences.
Loved this! Thank you so much for the words! 4 Months postpartum, and these words are welcomed any day!
Lisa Coomer Queen says
This was wonderful! My daughter had to have an emergency C-Section when she had her first baby and then the other two also. We were all scared to death during the first one. We were not prepared at all and it is a scary thing. Thanks for writing this.
Amber Ludwig says
I really wish that all the stigma about c-sections would just fizzle away!! I have not had one but would never EVER make a rude or unnecessary comment to a mother that has had one!! What ever happened to supporting one another regardless of the conditions?? It seems some people have slipped back into the hs way of judging people when in all reality it is non of their business!
Rebecca Parsons says
I had all three of my babies by c-section and it was just as joyful as having them natural. Longer time of pain but it really is not that bad if you have plenty of help afterwards.
I too had all four (4) of my children by cesarean. Never thought i would as i wanted to have a natural birth and i read a lot about it… and i wanted it to be as natural as possible without any medication and epidural etc. How wrong was i. I was in labour for 23 hours the last hour they decided i needed to have a c section as i was not fully dilated and i was just tired from pure exhaustion.I pushed and pushed for as long as i had contractions and remembered being in the labour room for like ages, i would see other mothers come in and out to deliver their babies and I’m still in the labour room. All that pushing and labour and i ended up with a C-section. So there i was having my first child and knew nothing about c section at all. So the next baby i was counselled that i will have a natural birth as everyone birth is different. Well i was in labour my child was distressed and i ended up performing an emergency labour. i woke up and i have already a baby!!!! i was sad and depressed for awhile thinking i missed out on all the things that are normal. And was so upset but after a while i was pregnant again. This time my doctors suggested to just book it in as i have high risk pregnancy.(even that sounded abnormal to me) But that is what i did. I didn’t want to come in and ended up having an emergency c section i wanted this c section operation to be as normal no rushing around I wanted to be calm and know what is going to happen. So i read about it and learned more about it. Then i realised how lucky i was to be in this century because all my babies were over 9.5 lbs in the olden days i would probably have had a lot of complications or worse lose my life during childbirth. My hips are narrow as well so it doesn’t help that i have big babies. I prayed for good thoughts as i was hearing all the other women talking about how wonderful it is to have a natural birth and all. I was upset but then i looked at my babies and it just didn’t matter anymore. What matters the most was i carried these babies in my stomach i felt every movement and i bonded with them and grateful that i could have them. I thought about the joy we have having children and the importance it is to nurture and love them and teach them whilst i have them in my life. And that is what i did. My youngest is 18 now. Perfect children to me that is. And i hope that whoever is feeling less woman because they had cesarean will focus on the happiness and joy these children will bless their lives. Motherhood is wonderful. i love being a mother.
Mama in the Now says
Wow – Jacquie, thank you for your thoughtful response. I completely agree with you – we carried the babies in our womb for nine months – we are no less mothers or less natural than someone who did not deliver via c-section. I am glad all your babies arrived safely – all of our boys were big too. Thank God there are other safe delivery options today!
Kaycee @ My Crafty Zoo says
I wasn’t expecting a c section when I got pregnant, I didn’t have a choice. The procedure went fine but after was a nightmare for me. I have been told mine was a very rare issue. :/
Thank you for this. I didn’t have a c section but I did plan for a natural birth and it went completely opposite what I had in mind but everything turned out fine.
This means so much to me..it’s as if I was writing it myself 🙂 having gone through an emergency csection, then going through a failed vbac with my second which led to a second csection, I put a lot of unnecessary blame on myself. I’m going on my third pregnancy and have placenta previa, so a third csection is a must. But knowing I have bonded with my other two and had no physical or emotional problems, everything will be fine. Thank you for this.
Mama in the Now says
I am so glad this was comforting to you. I am sorry to hear of your previous experiences. I can tell you from my experience that a scheduled c-section is not as stressful – and it can actually help with the logistics when you have older children to care for as well. BEST OF LUCK!!!!
Hi there, I have had two c-sections both in my mid-late 30’s. Both c-secs were recommended by my ob-gyn due to (a) the size of my boys and (b) my age. I have never regretted anything. I have always been so grateful, so blessed to have such big, beautiful, bouncing baby boys. However, for some odd reason, this post has left me now feeling as if I (should have) felt robbed of the chance to have “natural childbirth.” I have never ever felt – or have been made to feel – this way. Is it just me?
Mama in the Now says
Oh no – you shouldn’t leave here feeling like that! AT ALL… Hugs!
I have two kids of my own, and although both of them I delivered normally, I was close to having a C-section on both times. But since I was so scared of being cut open and the wound that I would be nursing afterwards, I willed myself to give birth without being cut open. This is a sweet eye-opener. Thank you!. Will share this on my page as well. Thanks! http://bit.ly/Sleepybunnybabyworld
Mama in the Now says
Thank you! I am glad you avoided c-sections if you were scared of them. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you! I am days away from a planned c section due to placenta previa and reading this is helping ease the overweight fears I am suddenly having.
Mama in the Now says
Good luck!!!! You will do well – and enjoy the end result!!! XO
Mama in the Now says
Congratulations on your 4th baby. Enjoy your baby boy! Your comment made my day!
You know what to expect from a c-section… and even the 4th will go well. Stay strong mama!!! Hugs!
Jenny @ Unremarkable Files says
This was a fantastic article. In the short-term, C-sections (in my experience) had a more drawn-out and difficult recovery process. It certainly took me longer to heal both physically and emotionally from my C-section than any of my vaginal births. However, those are short-term effects and they really don’t matter a few years later. And they only affect you, not the baby or your relationship with the baby for the rest of his/her life!
This article is good perspective to have, but even so I would allow yourself to feel the way you feel. Even if the ultimate outcome is okay (healthy mom and baby) it’s still acceptable to need time to come to terms with a major surgery that you didn’t necessarily want, plan, or enjoy.
This article really helped so thank you for writing. I still need time to come at terms with my c-section, I always imagined I’d feel stronger almost like a superhero mama after vaginal birth. Which didn’t happen thus I don’t feel stronger at all. It might seem a selfish way to look at things but that’s how I felt. I had a c-section that I didn’t even consider and ofc that was a mistake… I learned that many things in life are unexpected and that sometimes leaving absolutely no room for them is not the greatest idea. I love my little daughter, I cry often just when looking at her, she is so beautiful and tiny. I also tell myself that the Universe knew what’s best for me and her and that the fact that she is here with us safe and sound is proof enough. Again, thank you for what you wrote, I just subscribed and I can’t wait to hear more fron you. Best wishes to you and your boys!
Thanks for the encouraging words. Both mine were via emergency c section because my pelvis was too narrow and babies were larger than average and just couldn’t fit. Both times I was traumatized and one was general anesthetic. We have contemplated having a 3rd baby but I am terrified. I know it would have to be another surgery.